The Pursuit of Perfectionism

In today’s world, where social media constantly showcases curated success stories, it is easy to fall into a pattern of perfectionism and self-comparison. We see others achieving milestones, excelling in their careers and living what appears to be a flawless life. We measure our progress, appearance, achievements and worth against those of others. 

You may ask, what is so bad about striving for perfection? After all, if you’re perfect, you won’t ever have to fail. You may have also learned that striving for perfection proves that you are dedicated, have high standards, and a relentless drive to succeed. While the pursuit of perfection might feel motivating at times, it’s a double-edged sword. Perfection is an impossible goal, there is always something that could be better, so we inherently set ourselves up for failure. Chasing perfection, rather than doing our honest best and acknowledging our strengths & weaknesses, reinforces self-doubt, often causes more anxiety, and limits our willingness to take risks and, therefore, limits our growth. 

Unsure if this is you? Some signs of perfectionist tendencies include: 

• thinking in black and white: something is either right or wrong, good or bad, perfection or failure

• you say “I should…” a lot

• you find it hard to delegate tasks to others; you want control

• you demand high standards for yourself and others

• You’re hesitant to try something new or take risks

• you are terrified of failing, disappointing others or being perceived as bad at something

• you procrastinate or have trouble completing projects

• you fixate on your mistakes

• your confidence and self-worth are tied to your productivity and others’ opinions of you

• You dislike or feel uncomfortable in the learning stage of a new skill

Perfectionism is so destructive because, simply put, there is no such thing as “perfect” – it is an unattainable goal that keeps success just out of reach. When the goal is perfection, inevitable bumps in the road or uncontrollable setbacks can heighten feelings of failure and loss of control, which makes it even harder to do our best work. One of the most effective ways to combat perfectionism is to set SMART goals - As a therapist, I love an opportunity to talk about a good SMART goal. These are goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely. Progress is rarely linear, so approaching our goals with flexibility and giving ourselves permission to adapt to circumstances along the way is crucial for success. 

Shifting from Perfectionism to Healthy Striving 

• Set SMART goals and expectations 

  • Specific: what do you want to achieve and why is it important?

  • Measurable: how you will track your progress?

  • Achievable: is the goal realistic for what you have capacity for?

  • Relevant: does the goal align with your values and priorities?

  • Timely: when is your deadline to achieve this goal?

  • As we learned earlier, perfectionism is not SMART; set yourself up for success by setting small, achievable goals and celebrate every win as you grow forward 

  • Redefine success: focus on your effort and progress, rather than striving for unattainable ideals 

• Practice Self-Compassion: 

  • The opposite of perfectionism is self-acceptance. To be human is to be uniquely imperfect. Rather than thinking about what you should have done better or differently today, consider completing this sentence instead: something I did well today was _____. 

  • If providing yourself with self-compassion feels challenging, consider what it would feel like to treat yourself with the same kindness, patience, and understanding you would offer to a friend or loved one. 

  • Allow yourself to be a work in progress 

• Define your OWN journey: 

  • Try not to compare your insides to someone else’s outsides 

  • Everyone is on a different timeline, there is no “right” way to do life 

  • What works for someone else may not be right for you, and that is okay 

Pursuing Self-Acceptance  

Letting go of perfectionism and self-comparison is not about settling for mediocrity, it is about embracing authenticity and self-acceptance. Your worth is not measured in how you compare to others, how perfect you are, or how little setbacks you encountered on your journey. When we stop seeking validation from unrealistic standards, we open ourselves up to genuine fulfillment. 

If you would like to continue exploring your perfectionism, please reach out – we would be honoured to support you.  

Take a deep breath and remind yourself: you are enough, just as you are. 

References 

Aghera, A., et al. (2017). A randomized trial of SMART goal enhanced debriefing after simulation to promote educational actions. Western Journal of Emergency Medicine, 19(1), 112-120. DOI: 10.5811/westjem.2017.11.36524  

Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House. 

Peterson, J. (2022, September 17). Perfectionism: A pitfall to healing. Mind Body Rewire. http://themindbodyrewire.com/post/perfectionism-a-pitfall-to-healing